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How To Deal With And Overcome Church Cliques

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I am so thankful for the learning experiences that God gives us for certain phases of our lives. I truly believe with all my heart that it is out of what we learn when we do not possess answer upfront that causes us to have true growth as Christians. One of the more recent learning experiences I have had has been the concept of “church cliques” and the harm that it brings into the body of Christ.

First off, let us define it. A clique (pronounced like click) is considered a small group of people with shared interests or other features in common who spend time together and do not readily allow others to join them. You may have heard this term also be used as the inner circle, the in-crowd, the cool kids, the popular table, etc. I grew up all through elementary and middle school being considered “different” and was not leading to the conducive outcome of me fitting in. I’m not exactly sure what made me be so different from others…was it how I looked? Was it how I talked? Was it because of my name or my family? Was I too studious? Did I live on the wrong side of town? I now realize looking back that being different was far better than being another one of the in-crowd because at least I was defined for who I was (instead of what people stereotyped me to be based on the group). However, when I dealt with it as a young man it felt like the worst feeling in the world. This feeling was like a hovering cloud over my head that seemingly never left for what seemed like forever.

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Looking back around my middle school to high school years I now realize that one of the contributing factors to what led me so easily into drug and alcohol abuse so early was needing a greater acceptance from facing an even greater rejection. Unfortunately where I found acceptance came at a great cost; and before I knew it what was once my enemy had become my greatest ally. I went from running from the cliques to becoming one in hanging around others that brought out the worst in me. As I look back now I realize that I was not only a hypocrite to others but was one to myself as well. The more and more I look back into the things that made me suffer as a young man help me to better address what pushed me into bad choices when I was not in strong control of my actions. Now that I have been saved by Jesus Christ the things that would have once destroyed me no longer have power.

I am so thankful I am free from the influence of sin by substance abuse! Unfortunately there is one thing that has continued to try and haunt me beyond my youth and immaturity: the battle of the cliques. I still see it all around me in families, homes, organizations, workplaces, ministries, and even churches. The sizes and personalities of the groups vary that drive them but they are nonetheless there and stronger than they have ever been. It’s everywhere. In short, church cliques are bad and will destroy your environments if they are not addressed. As I feel led to write this I hope that wherever this applies that you receive it with an open mind.

Here are 10 lessons learned about dealing with and overcoming church cliques:

1) Cliques are quick and easy to form and will help you feel good in the short term. However the long term effects will stunt your growth as an individual and leave you and your church limited to those whom you consider “in”.

2) Cliques are destructive for the growth of members your church. Loving people when they do what you want and then pushing them away when they disagree sends mixed signals to others whom should only receive love.

3) If you look for the support of certain individuals only then you have likely formed a clique without even realizing it.

4) If people deliberately exclude people intentionally then it is a clique. If you believe people do not have a right to contribute because of something that led you to cut them out then a division has formed and a clique is upon you.

5) Cliques drive away people more frequently than any other kind of problem. More issues come about in the imagination of others whom are feeling the pressure from cliques more than actual pressure from any one individual.

6) God did not form cliques. God formed churches with no respect of person and equality for the body. God essentially modeled the church as an anti-clique!

7) If jealousy and emotions drive the motives of an individual to work against others and not for them then whom you are recruiting to accomplish your will is a clique.

8) The best way to eliminate a clique forming in church business is to have transparency in all tasks and invite everyone to participate.

9) A good method of promoting fellowship in your church is to allow a time for people to interact with one another.

10) The ultimate clique-killer is loving everyone as you love yourself and making sure everyone around you feels just as accepted as the people you like the most.

I leave you with three powerful scriptures you can use as teaching points:

Romans 12:16

16 Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits.

1 Corinthians 1:10

10 Now I beseech you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you; but that ye be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment.

James 2:1

2 My brethren, have not the faith of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory, with respect of persons.

The Honor Code: Part 2 – Honor Brings Divine Favor and Abundant Love

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In the first part of “The Honor Code” we discussed the definition of honor and how that is represented in everyday life and to God. I know that in deep evaluations of where honor is shown in my life helped me to conclude that there is far more work to do! The second part of this that I want us to consider is the actual actions and after-effects that genuine honor brings to any situation. As an example, let us say that I tell a colleague that works in the same field at my employer that they do great work and are very talented at what they do. When I make this statement it first does something to me: it acknowledges that there are other people around me who are capable of doing great things. This in principle is a very humbling thing to do as this takes away from a persons agenda at being the best or ‘above’ others. One of the worst attitudes that a person can attempt to live in is a perspective that “I can do everything just fine on my own”. This is an honor-less attitude. The sad fact is that we often dwell in this attitude without being completely aware of it showing up on us.

Here is a nugget that speaks of in part to brotherly love: you will want to prefer someone over yourself and will not have to give yourself credit to find favor or honor.

Trust me, if you do a honoring thing in obedience to loving your neighbor, God will not fail in giving you all the credit you deserve by the blessings you receive.

Let us consider one more example in Gods word: Jacob and Laban. In the first agreement that Jacob and Laban had there was a person Jacob wanted to be with: Seven years for Leah and seven for Rachel. Jacob was with Laban twenty years in all. Can you begin to imagine working fourteen years for something and not receiving all of what should be honored to you? This sounds absurd before the end of the story, but the part that speaks to me is the honor that was shown by staying there and continuing to work for what he was aiming for. For the last six years Jacob was with Laban his request was for the speckled and spotted among the goats and all the black sheep as his own. He did so, and his own flocks grew very large. In Laban’s honor-less attitude he began to move the spotted and speckled to their own area so the flocks would not continue to grow. In hearing this I am glad to know that even when the enemy begins to work against you that God begins to continue your love by giving favor in situations with impossible odds! You see it did not matter what Laban attempted to do to hinder the prosperity of Jacob because God had come on the scene.

I encourage you to receive with gladness is: when living a life of honor you are strengthened by God’s love and are prospered by God’s favor that exceeds all laws and physics of man.

A Bid Farewell To The Amen Corner (Not Really) – Support Is A True Calling!

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Over the many years that I have attended church, there has always been the classically stereotyped band of people that were always known as the super-supportive “amen-corner”. These were the kind of people that would stand through the beginning and end and were the greatest example of what support stood for. I could remember seeing people literally begin to grow and over time become a stronger individuals in God from the support of their brothers and sisters in Christ. There were MANY moments I am sure that people would have given up without the words of encouragement to pick them up after moments where they felt like they had failed. There were other moments I am sure where people came through like a breath of fresh air to revive someone that had been walking and carrying the load of a work for quite some time as well. Are we living in the day where we are seeing the end of support for one another? Has the amen corner truly fell?

To me, I do not think the amen corner will ever go. I do think however that the amount of support in the church for one another is at an all time low. And with the additions of newly committed lives to Christ, those lives are in need of continual refreshing and rejuvenation by those around them! I can honestly say that in my own personal life that there are 4-5 people (new or renewed in Christ) that I stay personally committed to on a constant basis by making sure that I encourage them and stay as a spiritual mentor to. This is such a vital piece, as they need to see me on my feet when they step out to obey God. They need to hear my words in person when they have stepped out for God and maybe faced a tough night. Most importantly, support needs to come when it counts the most: in a time of weakness! When God shows you by discernment when a person (or persons) are in weakness and are in a frail state, support them! Do what you are called to do to help them. Waste no expense to which you have in your resources to make a difference. In other words, love your neighbor as yourself.

Here is the tough part (I have had to learn this the hard way): I cannot guarantee that support will ever return back to you. The great part about being selfless for God is that the blessings of God will flow in your life for your service in Him! Always remember this when you give yourself for Him in service for others! It is worth every step, every word, and every mile of the journey! As for me, I’m in (the amen corner that is). There may be a day where you look and you stand alone, but never forget that God is with you!

The Spiritual Experience

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I remember when I was growing up and how I used to daydream of being a spectacular musician. There were so many long days and nights of practicing and learning that I never thought that I would be able to play anything at all! After such a long time (or at least it seemed like it anyway) there began to be a steady progression and I learned to love the overall experience of working on myself to be better at music. It is still something that I have to work on each day and without the effort I would eventually be in lack or without the proficiency to play like I could.

With that said, I also remember the day the spirit of God entered into my life. I never thought my life was going to get better from where I was, but after getting saved I began to follow what the spirit would lead me to do. These sorts of things could be a thought to yourself in the moment or an audible voice when you least expect it, leading you down a path of righteousness. I assure you the only time that God is leading is when it is right and fair and in love for your neighbor.

Learn to allow God’s spirit to lead and guide you each and every day. There is something to be said about the spiritual experience, especially when we do not have it. It is your lifeline for leadership and knowledge in applying what you need to do and how to abide in the rest of God when you have no solution. In order for it to be fluent, keep in practice and work in it every day through prayer and close humble devotion to God. It is well worth the practice to succeed at life!