Recently I walked into a room with a group of people that I know quite well and found that rather than being greeted I was mostly ignored. Upon the quick realization of this silence I tried to compensate maybe assuming some backwardness or shyness and attempted to initiate the opening dialog of conversation. To my surprise this was met with even more resistance, leading to behavior which went to either diving into their cell phone or to begin talking with other people around them.

Once all this had happened and I had sat down for a minute to gather myself I had come to a newfound realization: I’ve been here before. I remember a time in my life where I felt like the odd man out, always fighting and seeking approval from others by efforts and exploits. I remember a time that without the closure of knowing I fit into the perceptual “popular” crowd that I would have been emotionally affected to the point of depression. The difference from when it had happened in the past and today is that I have something within me that has changed my answer on if I need the popular vote of approval.

Now I realize that if for nothing else this experience of mine has caused me to learn and grow in God even deeper. The demand for attention for a person and the behavior that follows this is mostly called having an ego. An ego is defined as a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance. When people live to speak of themselves (or only speak to those for whom they seek approval) and have little interest in others it displays an imagery of pride that we as Christians should not walk in. If we walk humbly with the spirit of God then we find that our behavior is the quite the opposite. In fact, the bible talks about the side effects of each behavior: “for every one that exalts himself shall be abased, and he that abases himself shall be exalted” (Luke 14:11).

You might be out there feeling like the odd one out amongst the world. I am here to remind you that it is okay to be that way. It is normal to be the first person to say hello and to ask about how someone is. It is not only acceptable but actually expected of us according to scripture: “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:3-4)

What I am about to tell you takes time to grow in but is necessary if you are to grow spiritually. You must learn to accept that there are people (friends, family, co-workers, etc.) that will have little or no interest in you or your life. Do not struggle to push your way through to get approval or interest. As Christians our primary goal is to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. Part of this is learning to take interest in other peoples’ lives before your own. If you can learn to inquire of others and accept never getting to tell anything about yourself then you are taking one of the toughest steps in ministry (death of pride).

Always take the first step in the conversation and show interest in others first. This humbleness opens many doors and shows that your Christian witness is not defined by your ego. If you are rejected in your attempts to demonstrate your love by being engaging then simply walk away in your spirit knowing that you did all that you could to walk and talk as God would have you.