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Before I get to what I want to discuss today I want to testify about one of the toughest issues of my life. I grew up the first half my life looking for love that was returned the same way I gave it. This varied from time to time from it being family, classmates, and friends. I also grew up my life mostly coming up empty on this search. And after a season of my life passed with this reality of no reciprocity coming back to me I essentially gave up on being a compassionate person. It then became all about me and what others were not doing. It was about living with the proverbial “chip on my shoulder” and being constantly frustrated with what others had not done. It became about how others had hurt me and how I could not let go of why people continued to do so. The bulk of my teenage years were in a selfish self-loathing hatred for those whom never were there and did not care. And as I lived as the victim the enemy was there to be my shoulder to cry on in the form of drugs, alcohol and all forms of hindrances that left me in utter misery and bondage. The greatest part of my testimony is not just the deliverance from the substances and hindrances that held me down for all of my youth; for when I had a heart that was hurt from not receiving an equal or more powerful love God came to my rescue. God’s love came to my detriment and picked me up again. God’s love was ultimately there for me even when I had done nothing or gave anything to God first. God had compassion on me. He not only transformed what was ailing me but caused me to be loved the way I had always longed for!
One of the hardest risks to take with a relationship another person is that the love, respect and understanding you give and share to that person is not given back in the same manner to which you gave it. The fact of the matter is that sometimes it is not or never returned. Sometimes people will only want what you can give and never show reciprocity in kind. And just like a crisp slap in the face reality comes and reminds us from time to time of just how frail our emotions really are when it comes to the impact of others. Whether this circumstance appears in your acquaintances, friend, foe or family does not make the pain any less hurtful to your heart. Boundaries and lines will be crossed, people you would expect more of will let you down, and emotions will flare irrationally and unexpectedly to your preparation. What you have to remember is that what you do for others should cause you to expect little in return and to be content with getting nothing back. Jesus gave his life for all of us who did nothing to be worthy of His love. This same love we should give to all. We should do our due diligence to help others, even when it is in the middle of the night and inconvenient. Compassion is the virtue of God that comes out of us when we still help people in spite of what they do to us.
This is why compassion is so powerful. Compassion does not give regard to reciprocity. Compassion gives in spite of what is given back. Compassion sees the need and meets it despite the want that may lie within. The most powerful miracles that Jesus brought forth as a man on earth all derived from the compassion he had upon those to whom others said were not deserving of love or help. Compassion is not shrouded under the weight of guilt or the obligation of ones duty to do something because they have to. If you want to know the rest of what compassion/charity/love is to be, read 1 Corinthians 13:1-13
Be reminded that the good you do for others should not be expecting an equal or greater investment back from them. In fact, people may give little or no respect for your life or decisions. And if I could go one step further I would say that they will even come after you to guilt you about what you have not done (even after all that you have already did).That comes as a surprise, right? Even though it does it should not alarm us at the rate it does. In fact, scripture leads us to tackle this sort of behavior with wisdom:
Matthew 7:1-11
1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.
2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.
6 Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.
7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
9 Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?
10 Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?
11 If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?
12 Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.
Wait a minute! I have looked at this passage all my life with the wrong outlook.I now know that this is not a call for people to do things just because they want it done right to themselves; this is actually quite the deeper call to society to have compassion for the most difficult of needs. If people need you would you turn the compassion away that was shown you? By the simple fact alone that you were undeserving of God’s love yet you received it should tell us all that there is never a need too big nor too small that we should be attempting to do our best to help.
Compassion says: “I see that I do not have to do this for you. I was once given a love I did not deserve. So by this love I pay it forward to someone else.” The evidence of God in your life after all is that you love your brother with compassion (or as you would have yourself to be loved). I’m at peace today and will spend the latter part of my life doing my best to help others and to accept that it may never return. I’m at peace because I know even when others despitefully use me and give no respect that I have the favor and love of the greatest savior and friend I have ever known. Peace is with me today because of the compassion God gave me through Jesus Christ!
Let this small little blurb be a reminder of what compassion is, what it should mean to you, and what you should be doing with it!
I love illustrations because sometimes it helps to explain feelings that do not always have good adjectives to represent them. Is your life defined by all you get done at work? Are you not getting enough done at home? Do people pressure you into doing more because they have unreasonable expectations or want someone to do it for them? Have you or do you deal with people that always seem to put more on you than what is reasonable? Do some situations that people put you in make you want to scream?!?
I guess what I am really asking is, do you feel overextended? Overextend in its meaning towards people means that you impose on (someone) an excessive burden of work or commitments. In reference to objects or ideals it means to make too long. If you really took a minute to look inside of your personal life you will find that in a lot (or maybe even) of the things you do is WAY more than one can accomplish in one day. We only get 24 hours in a day and at least 6 are for rest, all the while we have to work, run errands, do hobbies, put out drama fires, handle emergencies, etc. When the list piles up in your mind it almost makes every day like it’s the worst day to come.
To be honest I have been overextended in many things during the past 8 years. Let’s just hash some personal examples: working 40-50 hours a week, working out 5 times a week, commuting to work two hours for five days a week, preaching full-time, teaching music, attending music practice, working in outside ministry…wait a second…I have not even mentioned anything to do with family, friends, or my brothers & sisters in Christ! Can you see where it would be easy to lose yourself in being overextended? This was also leaving a huge gap in my intimate adoration and worship to God. I’m happy to say that God has been working on me for the good and I’m reaching out to those who feel the same way to share with you how God has been teaching me to flip the script on busy living and to learn and take a deep breath (and that it’s okay).
Here are five thoughts God has inspired me to share with you:
1) If we have something that MUST be done, God will help you see it through
1 Corinthians 10:13 “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.”
James 1:12 “Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.”
Deadlines do not just disappear when we want them to. Having to deal with difficult situations do not just leave from our to-do list. To deal with these realities we must pray that God strengthen us for the hour that we will need it (and ultimately is harder than we can handle on our own). Seek God for continual peace through your difficult time and by His spirit you will never feel alone. If you allow God the chance to be there for you the joy you will feel when you come out of it will be as if you were royalty; undeserving of the happiness yet through God’s love its promised to you. That makes me smile.
2) To reduce over-extension we must learn to pray before we simply commit to more
One of the best methods to keep a person from being over-extended is to stop it before it ever occurs via prevention. How do we reduce the chances? Prayer is a very good starting place.
Proverbs 8:17 “I love them that love me; and those that seek me early shall find me.”
Deuteronomy 4:29-31 “But if from thence thou shalt seek the LORD thy God, thou shalt find him, if thou seek him with all thy heart and with all thy soul. When thou art in tribulation, and all these things are come upon thee, even in the latter days, if thou turn to the LORD thy God, and shalt be obedient unto his voice; (For the LORD thy God is a merciful God;) he will not forsake thee, neither destroy thee, nor forget the covenant of thy fathers which he sware unto them.”
This passage not only references starting your day out with seeking God but for those who will allow God the chance to lead them even before a commitment. And once you have been showed by God what can be reduced then simply walk through the door and not worry over it any longer. The lighter we walk the more we embrace the burdens’ that God makes to be lighter!
3) People will only know your limits when you communicate them
Colossians 4:6 “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.”
Romans 15: 1 “We then that are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak, and not to please ourselves.”
“seasoned with salt” is a nice way to refer to the fact that we must communicate and handle situations with God’s widsom. By the wisdom of God we learn to know our boundaries and can be shown how to communicate the fact that we simply do not have the time or the strength to add more unto what is going on in the present. Until people hear from you and can understand that you are going through things then there is no one else at fault for this but you. Once you have spoken your boundaries it is then you give people the opportunity to help you bear the load and not continue to put more demands upon you. In fact if we live according to the word at that point those that are strong should change from their demands and begin to help you with your needs.
4) Don’t worry about what people think about you. You can only do so much with your commitments.
Psalm 118:5-6 “I called upon the Lord in distress: the Lord answered me, and set me in a large place. The Lord is on my side; I will not fear: what can man do unto me?”
Philippians 2:3-4 “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.”
The kind of peace that helps you to stop thinking or worrying over the opinions of others only comes by the peace of God. Seek for it that your load may be lighter and that your desire become more aligned with pleasing God with how you live and the good you do with what you’ve got.
5) If you center your life to righteousness you can drop all the things that are “busy attacks” on your focus
Proverbs 23:4 “Do not toil to acquire wealth; be discerning enough to desist”
Psalm 37:5 “Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.”
Ecclesiastes 3:1-22 “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;”
If the first priority in your life is God then I can assure you that the things you desire will begin to be aligned to his will. And as this happens you can see the things that come as opportunities as opposed to the things to shun that would just keep you busy all the time. God wants your life to be fruitful without your entire life being centered on making it happen by yourself. You even read in Luke 10:38-42 about Martha who was told by Christ that you are “anxious and trouble about many things but one is necessary”. What was that necessary? It was what Jesus called the “good portion”. There is a way of right-living before God that will reduce all the over-extending and allow you the opportunities to slow down and enjoy the moments that are right in front of you!
So just remember that at the end of the day there needs to be a season for all things, however you must yield to the seasons and not push beyond your means and max limits. Learning to allow God to give you strength when you need it and guidance when you have it creates a more balanced lifestyle. This balance can help you to be a better help to others and will help you realize what you can do with the time that would have been otherwise squandered by the enemy.